Welcome to the B-Boy Coke Patrol - the self-appointed global quality control agents of coke! The Coke Patrol has been active since 1999, and has, until now, let off all coke quality violations with a warning. But not any more. Here, such perpetrators will be displayed for public besmirching and ridicule. And don't think anyone can escape the Coke Patrol by serving other beverages, because they will impact on the coke score. This page therefore doubles as a handy guide to weary travellers that may find themselves in the B-Boy Universe and are on the look-out for a much needed beverage!
| Legend: |
| T-Temperature: Colder the better, but not so cold as to provide a head rush. F-Fizz Factor: The fizzier, the better. Storing coke at the correct temperature, and keeping the turnover fresh, is critical. S-Supply: If the phrase of "Where's the coke?" is ever heard, you know your guests have been kept waiting too long. O-Overall: Not an average, but an overall rating based on the rating guide below. |
| Rating Guide: |
| 10: Bottle it up, and save it for the day when you're terminally ill. Inject
into your veins so you can die in bliss! 9: If your girlfriend asks you, "It's me or the coke", take the coke! 8: You're most likely at the UKKK's Konsole Kingdom where the coke is always great! 7: Quick, puke it up and drink it again! 6: When the coke bottle is empty, cut open the bottle and lick out those very last drops! 5: Give the rest to Z, and try a fresh bottle! 4: Throw it back in Bob's face, he's most likely responsible! 3: Puke it up! 2: Piss in the glass, even that'd improve the flavour! 1: It's Diet Coke, fool! 0: It aint any form of coke. Z probably farted in your glass of water! |
| Date | Event | Host | T | F | S | Comments | O |
| 22/09/07 | Inaugural GOBB at Royboy's place Hawthorn | Royboy | 0 | 1 | 5 | Truth is, the coke was so bad that supply was immaterial. At a later event, there was a funny taste in the coke. Worst coke ever! Shame, shame, shame. | 2 |
| 12/02/05 | Brouhaha 5 | Simo | 7 | 8 | 10 | About time Simo got some serious chill happening with the coke, but still not quite cold enough. Cans helped. | 8 |
| 31/12/04 | New Year's Eve BBQ | Simo | 2 | 4 | 10 | Same as last year! Except the coke was not cold enough when the B-Boys first arrived and the supply obviously plentiful. BBQ - top notch! Suck it, Z. You may have BBQs, but a BBQ Tycoon you are not! | 7 |
| 31/12/03 | New Year's Eve BBQ | Simo | 5 | 5 | ? | In truth, nothing special, but hardly a consideration against the actual BBQ itself! | 9 |
| 01/11/03 | Smackdown 4 | UKKK | 8 | 7 | 10 | Standard UKKK fare. Had 10 bottles on hand, but bought 8 "just in case". Only three in total were used! | 7 |
| 26/09/03 | Grand Final BBQ | Z | 8 | 7 | 7 | After the Magpies got smashed, no one really took notice. Suppose it was ok. Nothing special noted! | 7 |
| 13-14/09/03 | Brouhaha 4 | Simo | 6 | 8 | 10 | Shades of BHH3. Cans seemed to even lack fizz. Not cold enough! The hot chocs and cookies compensated. | 7 |
| 08-09/08/03 | Bobmart 14 | Bob | 8 | 8 | 10 | In the can, and cold for change. Non-attendances meant there was plenty. Also meant he could not unleash his shocking hot chocs again. | 8 |
| 06-08/06/03 | Bobmart 13 | Bob | 4 | 7 | 10 | Bob's shocking hot-chocs (barely tepid milk with peculiarly flavouring) totally crucified his coke score of 6. | 3- |
| 08-09/01/03 | Brouhaha 3 | Simo | 6 | 9 | 10 | Cans should do well, but they simply weren't cold enough. | 7 |
| 25-26/01/03 | Smackdown 4 | UKKK | 6 | 9 | 10 | 44 degrees outside, and 34 inside, cold water proved more popular. The UKKK had that to go as well! However, he failed to control coke rotation in the fridge sufficiently, and one warm bottle slipped into the glasses of some. | 7 |
| 31/12/02 | New Year's Eve Soiree | Z | 9 | 9 | 9 | Just can't go wrong with cold cans. | 9 |
| 09-11/11/02 | Bobmart 12 | Bob | 9 | 9 | 5 | Supplying cans was wise, but some froze in attempts to have them cold enough. Supplies proved insufficient. | 7 |
| 29/09/02 | Grand Final BBQ | Z | 8 | 7 | 6 | Nearly ran out, but who cares! After his killer hot chocs compensated, who remembers the coke? Z wins again! | 10 |
| 23/08/02 | Brouhaha 2 | Simo | 9 | 9 | 10 | Having it in the can proved a real treat! | 9 |
| 10/08/02 | Global Warning GOBB | UKKK | 9 | 8 | 10 | With a dedicated coke fridge, usual great standard. | 8 |
| 30/06/02 | World Cup Final GOBB | Z | 8 | 8 | 9 | Under pressure, matched the quality of his BBQ. | 7 |
| 10/06/02 | Bobmart 11 | Bob | 6 | 6 | 6 | Warm, stale and fizz-less coke was a bad start. | 5 |