- READ ABOUT LOVE
Asked my daddy when I was thirteen
"Daddy, can you tell me what a lover really means?"
His eyes went glassy, not a word was said
He poured another beer and his face turned red
Asked my mother, she acted the same
She never looked up, she seemed so ashamed
Asked my teacher, he reached for the cane
He said "Don't mention that subject again"
(Read about love) I read it in a magazine
(Read about love) Cosmo and Seventeen
(Read about love) In the back of Hustler, Hustler, Hustler
So I know what makes girls sigh
And I know why girls cry
So don't tell me I don't understand
What makes a woman and what makes a man
I've never been to heaven
But at least I've read about love
My big brother told me when I was fourteen
It's time I showed you what a lover really means
Girls like kissing and romance too
But a boy's got to know what a man's got to do
He gave me a book, the cover was plain
Written by a doctor with a German name
It had glossy pictures, serious stuff
I read it seven times, then I knew it well enough
(Read about love) And now I've got you
(Read about love) Where I want you
(Read about love) I got you on the test bed, test bed, test bed
So why don't you moan and sigh?
And why do you sit there and cry?
I do everything I'm supposed to do
If something's wrong, then it must be you
I know the ways of a woman
I've read about love
Well, well, well
When I touch you there it's supposed to feel nice
That's what it said in reader's advice
I've never been to heaven
But at least I've read about love
- I FEEL SO GOOD
I feel so good I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight
I feel so good I'm going to take someone apart tonight
They put me in jail for my deviant ways
Two years seven months and sixteen days
Now I'm back on the street in a purple haze
And I feel so good, and I feel so good
Well I feel so good I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight
I feel so good I'm going to make somebody's day tonight
I feel so good I'm going to make somebody pay tonight
I'm old enough to sin but I'm too young to vote
Society's been dragging on the tail of my coat
Now I've got a suitcase full of fifty pound notes
And a half-naked woman with her tongue down my throat
And I feel so good, and I feel so good
Oh I feel so good I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight
They made me pay for the things I've done
Now it's my turn to have all the fun
Well I feel so good I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight
And I feel so good, I feel so good
Well I feel so good I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight
Oh Oh Oh
I feel so good I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight
Hm break somebody's heart
Break somebody's heart
Hm break somebody's heart
Oh break somebody's heart
- I MISUNDERSTOOD
She said "Darling I'm in love with your mind.
The way you care for me, it's so kind.
Love to see you again, I wish I had more time".
She was laughing as she brushed my cheek
"Why don't you call me, angel, maybe next week
Promise now, cross your heart and hope to die".
But I misunderstood, but I misunderstood, but I misunderstood
I thought she was saying good luck, she was saying good bye
But I misunderstood, but I misunderstood, but I misunderstood
I thought she was saying good luck, she was saying good bye
Things I tried to put shine in her eyes
Wire wheels and shimmering things
Wild nights when the whole world seemed to fly
She said "The thing that's so unique
When we're together we don't have to speak.
We'll always be such good friends, you and I"
Oh but I misunderstood, but I misunderstood, but I misunderstood
I thought she was saying good luck, she was saying good bye
But I misunderstood, but I misunderstood, but I misunderstood
I thought she was saying good luck, she was saying good
I thought she was saying good luck, she was saying good
I thought she was saying good luck, she was saying goodbye
Oh, she was saying goodbye, oh, she was saying goodbye
Oh, she was saying, saying, saying, saying
- GREY WALLS
I took my darling down, I took my darling down
To that big grey house down the lane
And then the doctor said, he said "It's in her head
She's never going to be right again"
I kissed my love goodbye, she didn't blink an eye
They took her down the hall, she never looked back at all
Oh behind grey walls, somewhere there's a soul
Behind grey walls, she's out of control
She's crying out for help, no-one can hear
O Lord have pity on her, O Lord have pity on her
My darling walks the floor, my darling walks the floor
She walks every minute that she can
I heard my darling say, I heard my darling say
That she don't know who I am
Cigarette burns down her arm, said she tried to do herself harm
Tied her arms in the back, trussed her up like a sack
Oh behind grey walls, somewhere there's a soul
Behind grey walls, she's out of control
She's crying out for help, no-one can hear
O Lord have pity on her, O Lord have pity on her
I saw my darling's face, I saw my darling's face
It looked so pale in the distance
She stared out from her room into the dying gloom
And I saw her poor tears glisten
Pills to keep her calm, more punctures than a junkie in her arm
Strapped her on the bed, seventy volts through her head
Oh behind grey walls, somewhere there's a soul
Behind grey walls, she's out of control
She's crying out for help, no-one can hear
O Lord have pity on her, O Lord have pity on her
Behind grey walls
Behind grey walls
- YOU DREAM TOO MUCH
She came down the stairs in her cocktail dress
She fell on her food like a lioness
There was ringing in my ears like an SOS
She said "You dream too much.
If you think I've a thing for you.
You dream too much. It's going to end bad"
The boom box was sounding sweet
We were dancing to a jungle beat
Just when our lips were about to meet
She said "You dream too much.
Ah who's that girl in your dreams with you?
You dream too much. It's going to end bad"
You'll stumble going through life the way that you do
I hope I'm somewhere else the day that you do
The way that you do
She had a chassis like an XJS
A skull necklace like a high priestess
I thought maybe just one caress
She said "You dream too much.
You're dreaming now while I'm talking to you.
You dream too much. It's going to end bad. Oh it's going to end bad"
All my life I've been like this
I start thinking of the perfect kiss
Velvet dream on an iron fist
She said "You dream too much.
Even this isn't really true.
You dream too much. It's going to end bad. Oh it's going to end bad.
Ah it's going to end bad. It's going to end bad"
- WHY MUST I PLEAD
All your bitterness and lies
Sting like tears in my eyes
And a thousand love-sick tunes
Won't wash away the wounds from my mind
You've been seen around, you're a new sensation
You got a better deal, and you took his invitation
You've been sitting on his lap and taking his dictation
Oh but mercy, we used to love all day and drive all night
Oh mercy, jealousy used to whet your appetite
Oh mercy, we were low as dogs and high as kites
Why must I plead with you darling
Why must I plead with you darling
Why must I plead with you darling
For what's already mine
Well my friends are indiscreet
And I sing myself to sleep
I don't mind the red wine
Or the pick-up line as long as it's cheap
Oh I ask you what's what and you say I'm all yours
I ask who your friend is and you say it's Santa Claus
I ask you to come home, you say you're tired of being indoors
Oh but mercy, you know you signed on that dotted line
Oh mercy, you signed yours and I signed mine
Oh mercy, you said forever till the end of time
Oh why must I plead with you darling
Why must I plead with you darling
Oh why must I plead with you darling
For what's already mine
I said why must I plead with you darling
For what's already mine
- 1952 VINCENT BLACK LIGHTNING
Oh says Red Molly to James "That's a fine motorbike.
A girl could feel special on any such like"
Says James to Red Molly "My hat's off to you
It's a Vincent Black Lightning, 1952.
And I've seen you at the corners and cafes it seems
Red hair and black leather, my favourite colour scheme"
And he pulled her on behind and down to Boxhill they did ride
Oh says James to Red Molly "Here's a ring for your right hand
But I'll tell you in earnest I'm a dangerous man.
For I've fought with the law since I was seventeen,
I robbed many a man to get my Vincent machine.
Now I'm 21 years, I might make 22
And I don't mind dying, but for the love of you.
And if fate should break my stride
Then I'll give you my Vincent to ride"
"Come down, come down, Red Molly" called Sergeant McRae
"For they've taken young James Adie for armed robbery.
Shotgun blast hit his chest, left nothing inside.
Oh come down, Red Molly to his dying bedside"
When she came to the hospital, there wasn't much left
He was running out of road, he was running out of breath
But he smiled to see her cry
He said "I'll give you my Vincent to ride"
Says James "In my opinion, there's nothing in this world
Beats a 52 Vincent and a red headed girl.
Now Nortons and Indians and Greeves won't do,
Ah, they don't have a soul like a Vincent 52"
Oh he reached for her hand and he slipped her the keys
Said "I've got no further use for these.
I see angels on Ariels in leather and chrome,
Swooping down from heaven to carry me home"
And he gave her one last kiss and died
And he gave her his Vincent to ride.
- BACKLASH LOVE AFFAIR
An iron maiden stole my heart away, O black day
Her siren songs seemed to call to me, O destiny
She spat her thrash metal lyrics right into my mind
The stage thundered and the smoke bombs made me blind
She sang "Hello liebchen, wollen-sie ein jig-a-jig-a, nein?"
She said "Left, right, right, left. Come on Joe don't be slow.
Up, down, down, up. Come on Joe, time to go.
In, out, out, in. Do it if you love me Joe"
I know it's art for art's sake but how much more can I take?
What's my share of this backlash love affair?
Her hair extension's down to her knees, what a tease
She got tattoos everywhere you look, she's a comic book
Why she goes for my type I'll never understand
She's so demure when we promenade hand in hand
And when we get back home she let's me know that she's in command
She said "Left, right, right, left. Come on Joe don't be slow.
Up, down, down, up. Come on Joe, it's time to go.
In, out, out, in. Do it if you love me Joe"
I know it's art for art's sake but how much more can I take?
What's my share of this backlash love affair?
Those iron maidens, cool as a marble slab
They wrap around you and the cold knives cut and stab
I can't live my life as someone else's shishkebab
She said "Left, right, right, left. Come on Joe don't be slow.
Up, down, down, up. Come on Joe, it's time to go.
In, out, out, in. Do it if you love me Joe"
I know it's art for art's sake but how much more can I take?
What's my share of this backlash love affair?
- MYSTERY WIND
Mystery wind, blowing tonight
Driving rain, close up tight
Don't leave a crack for the rain to get in
Don't leave a hole for the mystery wind
From some other time, and some other place
Mystery wind make a fool say grace
Lord above how great thou art
Mystery wind blowing right through your heart
Ah, whistling down from out of this world
Take an honest man away from his girl
Stir up trouble in a married man's bed
Make you say things better left unsaid
The mystery wind, the mystery wind
It's a cruel wind, screams and moans
Don't know where from, don't know where it goes
Rustling the leaves around your door
Cold, cold fingers through the cracks in the floor
The mystery wind
Ah can't you smell it? You can almost feel it
Mystery wind, you just can't see it
Foul your water and steal your bread
Wake up things better left for dead
Mystery wind, are you strong enough
To fight for your right when the time get's tough?
Plague and hunger and burning rain
Too many good men blown away by the mystery wind
The mystery wind
It's a cruel wind, screams and moans
Don't know where from, don't know where it goes
Rustling the leaves around your door
Cold, cold fingers through the cracks in the floor
The mystery wind
Ah mystery wind, blowing tonight
Driving rain, close up tight
Don't leave a crack for the rain to get in
And don't leave a hole for the mystery wind
The mystery wind
- DON'T SIT ON MY JIMMY SHANDS
When the party hit full swing
I saw you come reeling in
You had that six-pack in a stranglehold
Now you stagger, now you sway
Why don't you fall the other way
'Cause I've got something here worth more than gold
I said "Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
They don't mend with sticky tape and glue
Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
And that's my very best advice to you"
Call me precious, I don't mind
78s are hard to find
You just can't get the shellac since the war
This one's the Beltona brand
Finest label in the land
They don't make them like that anymore
I said "Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
Unless you want to wind up black and blue
Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
And that's my very best advice to you"
Darling though you're twice my size
I don't mean to patronize
Honey let me lead you by the hand
Find a lap or find a chair
You can park it anywhere
Just don't rest your cheeks against my man
I said "Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
They don't mend with sticky tape and glue
Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
And that's my very best advice to you"
No shindig is half complete
Without that famous polka beat
That's why they invite me, I suppose
Waltzes, strathspeys, eights, some reels
Now you know how good it feels
Crank that handle babe, away she goes
I said "Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
Unless you want to wind up black and blue"
I said "Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
Don't sit on my Jimmy Shands
That's my very best advice to you"
- KEEP YOUR DISTANCE
If I cross your path again, who knows where, who knows when
On some morning without number, on some highway without end
Don't grasp my hand and say "Fate has brought you here today"
Oh fate is only fooling with us, friend
Keep your distance, oh keep your distance
When I feel you close to me what can I do but fall
Keep your distance, keep your distance
Ah with us it must be all or none at all
It's a desperate game we play, throw our souls, our lives, away
Wounds that can't be mended and debts that can't be paid
O I played and I got stung now I'm biting back my tongue
I'm sweeping out the footprints where I strayed
Keep your distance, keep your distance
When I feel you close to me what can I do but fall
Keep your distance, oh keep your distance
With us it must be all or none at all
Keep your distance, oh keep your distance
When I feel you close to me what can I do but fall
Keep your distance, oh keep your distance
With us it must be all or none at all
With us it must be all or none at all
With us it must be all or none at all
- MOTHER KNOWS BEST
So you think you know how to wipe your own nose
You think you know how to button your clothes
You don't know shit if you hadn't already guessed
You're just a bump on the log of life, 'cause mother knows best
She tells everybody she was born in a ditch
She back-combs her hair 'till she looks like a witch
Wolves in her train, serpents suckle at her breast
Don't forget to wash behind your ears, 'cause mother knows best
O you lost your job, well ain't that a shame
You got nobody but yourself to blame
You deserve everything you get for such a carelessness
And don't eat your peas off the knife, 'cause mother knows best
So your baby's hungry, so your baby's sick
Don't make babies, that'll do the trick
Put another string of barbed wire in your little love nest
It's better than a cardboard box, 'cause mother knows best
She got a zombie army to serve her well
She got a thousand bloodhounds from the gates of hell
She got a hundred black horses with sulphur and coal on their breath
And she rides the unbelievers down, mother knows best
She says "Bring me your first-born, and I'll suck their blood
Bring me your poor, I can trample in the mud
Bring me your visionaries, I can put out their eyes
And bring me your scholars, I'll have them all lobotomised,
'Cause mother knows best
- GOD LOVES A DRUNK
Will there be any bartenders up there in heaven?
Will the pubs never close? Will the glass never drain?
No more DTs and no shakes and no horrors
The very next morning, you feel right as rain
'Cause God loves a drunk, lowest of men
Like the dogs in the street and the pigs in the pen
But a drunk's only trying to get free of his body
And soar like an eagle high up there in heaven
His shouts and his curses they are just hymns and praises
To kick-start his mind now and then
O God loves a drunk, come raise up your glasses, amen
Does God really care for your life in the suburbs?
Your dull little life full of dull little things
And bring up the babies to be just like daddy
And maybe I'll be there when he gives out the wings
But God loves a drunk, although he's a fool
Oh he wets in his pants and he falls off his stool
And he can't hear the insults, and whispers go by him
As he leans in the doorway and he sings sally racket
He can't feel the cold rain beat down on his body
And soak through his clothes to the skin
O God loves a drunk, come raise up your glasses, amen
Will there be any pen-pushers up there in heaven?
Does crawling and wage-slaving win you God's love?
I pity you worms with your semis and pensions
If you think that'll get you to the kingdom above
Oh God loves a drunk, although he's a clown
Oh you can't help but laugh as he gags and falls down
But he don't give a curse for what people think of him
He screams at his demons alone in the darkness
He's staying alive for just one more pint bottle
Won't you throw him a few pennies, friend?
Ah God loves a drunk, for ever and ever, amen
- PSYCHO STREET
A man sits down to write a letter, but instead he writes a book
The book begins -
Dear Sir, I don't if you're interested but you're wife is a whore
A man gets on a train and proceeds to take all his clothes off
He begins to play with himself, and he says
"In my country, this is definitely not offensive"
A man pours petrol through his neighbour's letterbox
And throws in a match
The house is engulfed in flames
As the neighbours jump from the upstairs window
He films the whole thing on video
He plays it back to them later in hospital
"Things have been pretty dull at home without you" he says
A man pushes a lawn mower two hundred miles on his knees
To the tomb of the unknown gardener
"Great one" he cries "I've done my penance. I bring my offering.
Grant me, grant me, grant me, pest-free roses"
Psycho Street, friendly people down on Psycho Street
Good neighbours down on Psycho Street
And if you need a hand, need a friend, we understand
And if you need a pal, we'll be there, anyhow
Psycho Street, Psycho Street, Psycho Street
A man stakes his neighbour's cat to the barbecue and turns on the gas
"Now are you going to talk" he says
"Or am I going to have to get nasty?"
A man has an inflatable doll made
That looks exactly like his wife
He murders his wife, dissolves her body in acid
And marries the doll
Three years later, he leaves her for another doll
A man hands his son a brick and says
"Son, throw this brick through the greenhouse next door"
The boy does
The boy next door throws one back
It hits the man on the head and mortally wounds him
"Ah well" he says, as his life blood trickles away
"Boys will be boys"
A thoughtful woman sends her best friend a parcel
Inside, it says, is a free sample, full body beauty treatment
But really it contains acids and chemicals
When her friend tries it, her hair falls out,
Her face is wrinkled and her body scarred
The thoughtful woman turns to her husband and winks
And says "Pre-emptive strike"
Psycho Street, friendly people down on Psycho Street
Good neighbours down on Psycho Street
If you need a hand, need a friend, we understand
And if you need a pal, we'll be there, anyhow
Oh Psycho Street, Psycho Street, Psycho Street
Psycho Street, Psycho Street, Psycho Street