FAMILY AND HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS
FROM THE PROVERBS
©  Orest Solyma  Sept 1997
The Church of God in Williamstown
WEB SITE: http://www.alphalink.com.au/~sanhub/index.htm

INTRODUCTION
The purpose of this document is to help and provide a clearer biblical basis for understanding how each of us - whether an adult, a parent, a youth, a child - should apply our minds and wills to doing the will of God in all our relationships. 
With that intent, and limiting the purpose of the workshops to Proverbs, I have amplified the first 7 verses in an attempt to show the greater depth and beauty of this book. 

Questions posed within the Scriptures, questions added, questions you might have should be defined and hopefully many of them will be well answered during the workshops and subsequent discussions.

(A) RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
1:7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. 9:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. [Holy One: Isa 5:24; 43:15; 45:11; 49:7; 54:5; 60:14; Mk 1:24; Lk 4:34; Acts 3:14

14:26 In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, and His children will have a place of refuge. 27 The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, to turn one away from the snares of death [13:14; 10:11; Ps 18:4-6]. 

[Additional Scriptures: 'the fear of the LORD': Prov 2:5; 8:13; 16:6; 22:4; 23:17; Ps 19:9; 22:23; 34:11; 110:10; 112:1; 128:1; Isa 11:2-3; 33:6; Jer 32:40; Hab 3:2; Acts 9:31]. 

1:28 They will call on Me, but I will not answer; they will seek Me diligently, but they will not find Me, 29 because they hated knowledge and didn't choose the fear of the LORD [31 they'll eat the fruit of their own way]. 

2:5 [If you receive wisdom's words, if you incline your ear and your understanding for discernment, and if you search for her as for hidden treasure] then you will understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God. 6 The LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. 

3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding. 6 Acknowledge Him in everything, and He will direct your paths. 

3:9 Honour the LORD with your possessions and with the firstfruits of all your increase. 

3:11 My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor detest His correction; 12 for whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father does the son in whom he delights. 

3:32 For the perverse [Heb. luz; deviant, crooked] person is an abomination to the LORD, but His secret counsel [Heb. sod; Ps 25:14; Amos 3:7] is with the upright. 33 The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the home of the just. 34 Surely He scorns the scornful, but gives grace to the humble. 

5:21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and He ponders [weighs] all his paths [cp. Rev 20:12]. 

12:22 Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act truthfully are His delight. 

15:8 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD, but the prayer of the upright is His delight. 9 The way of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD, but He loves him who follows righteousness. [Is this unconditional love?

15:26 The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD, but the words of the pure are pleasant [Mt 5:8]. 

15:28 The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil. 

15:33 The fear of the LORD gives instruction in wisdom, and before honour is humility. 

16:1 The preparations [plans]of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD. 2 All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the spirits. 3 Commit your works to the LORD, and your thoughts will be established [2Cor 10:5]. 

16:7 When a man's ways please the LORD, He intervenes to make even his enemies to be at peace with him. 

16:9 A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps. 

20:24 A man's steps are of the LORD; how then can a man understand his own way [Jer 17:9-10]? 

19:3 The foolishness of a man twists his way, and his heart frets [Heb. za'ap; rages; storms] against the LORD. 

17:3 The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the hearts [Ps 51:6-7,10; 19:12; Jer 17:10]. 

20:27 The spirit of a man is the lamp of the LORD searching all the inner depths of his heart [Heb., cheder, beten; lit. rooms of the womb; 18:8; 20:30; 26:22;1Cor 2:11-15]. 

21:2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the hearts [Ps 7:9; 1Sam 16:7] . 

28:25 The proud of heart stirs up strife, but he who trusts in the LORD will be prospered. 26 He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered [from what?]. 

29:18 Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the Law. 

29:25 The fear of man ensnares, but whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe. 

(B) HUSBAND AND WIFE RELATIONSHIPS 
5:18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth [See also Eccl 9:9; Mal 2:14-15]. 

12:4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. 

It may prove very helpful to reverse the genders in the following verses; e.g., see 18:22! He [She] who finds a wife [godly husband] finds goodness,and obtains favour from the LORD. 

19:14 Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife [husband] is from the LORD. 

31:10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. 

5:19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love. 

Song of Songs (also see 7:1-9 TEV/GNB trans):  
Your lips cover me with kisses; your love is better than wine (1:2). 
My lover is like the wild flowers that bloom in the vineyards of Engedi (1:14). 
Like a lily among thorns is my darling among women (2:2). 
You are like a dove that hides in the crevice of a rock. Let me see your lovely face and hear your enchanting voice (2:14). 

What are the conditions for such expressions of marital love? 

6:29 He who goes in to his neighbour's wife and who [sexually] touches her shall not be innocent [unpunished].
34 For jealousy is a husband's fury, therefore he will not spare in vengeance
7:19 My husband isn't at home. He's gone on a long journey ['Come into my parlour', said the spider to the fly]. 

19:13 A foolish son brings ruin to his father, and the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping.
21:9 Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
19 Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.
25:24 It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
27:15 A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. 16 Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand. 

[Contentious, from Heb ma'din, ma'don; from the root din, judgment, plea; i.e., the usurping of right judgment and against any plea for self-disciplined righteousness; see also 6:14,19; 10:12; 22:10; 27:15; 28:25; 29:24]. 

(C) PARENTS' AND CHILDREN'S RESPONSIBILITIES AND RELATIONSHIPS
1:8 My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother. [It should be noted that straight after the introduction in Proverbs, responsibility is put on the shoulders, and should be in the heart of the child, presumably from the age of 12 (Lk 2:41-52). An argument could be made for a level of high responsibility from the age of 8, increasing till 16, and reaching fullness at 20 years (See the story of Josiah in 2Chr 34:1-6; 2Ki 22:1-2)]. 

4:1 Hear, My children [See 1Jn 2:12-14; 3Jn 4], the instruction of a father, and give attention to know understanding; 

4:3 When I was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, 4 he also taught me, and said to me: Let your heart retain my words; keep my commands, and live. 

6:20 My son, keep your father's command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. 

10:1 The Proverbs of Solomon: A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is grief to his mother. 

13:1 A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke [Heb ge'ara; see 17:10; 8:7-8; Isa 50:2]. 

15:5 A fool despises his father's instruction, but he who receives correction is prudent.
10 Harsh discipline is for him who forsakes the way, and he who hates correction [Heb. tokeha; rebuke; confrontation (with one's sin)] will die. 

[How does one teach a child to receive correction so that the child's wisdom and prudence grows?

17:6 Children's children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their [godly] father. 

17:21 He who begets a scoffer does so to his sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy [See Ps 14:1; Dt 32:6; Jer 17:11; Ezk 13:3; Heb. nabal: ignoble, disgraceful, morally insensible, mind closed to reason, lacking spirituality. What does a parent do in child-rearing to minimise the tendency in a child to neglect the Law of God?]. 

17:25 A foolish son is grief to his father, and bitterness to her who bore him. 

19:13 A foolish son is the ruin of his father, and the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping. [Why are these different thoughts put together?

19:26 He who mistreats his father and chases [or, pushes] away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach. 

20:20 Whoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in deep darkness [Ex 21:17; Prov 24:20]. 

23:10 Do not remove the ancient landmark, nor enter the fields of the fatherless. [A principle against vandalism (22:28; Dt 19:14; 27:17; Hos 5:10)]? 

23:22 Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
24 The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who begets a wise child will delight in him. [How is that achieved?] 25 Let your father and your mother be glad, and let her who bore you rejoice. 

28:7 Whoever keeps the law is a discerning son, but a companion of gluttons shames his father [Dt 21:18-21; Ex 20:12; Eph 6:1-4]. 

28:24 Whoever robs his father or his mother, and says, This is not wrong, is a companion to a destroyer [Mk 7:11-13; Mt 15:4-9]. 

30:17 The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it. 

29:3 Whoever loves wisdom makes his father rejoice, but a companion of harlots wastes his wealth. 

30:11 There is a generation that curses its father, and does not bless its mother [Is this a prophecy akin to Is 3:4-5; 2Tim 3:2?]. 

31:1 An oracle by King Lemuel which his mother taught him. 

(D) CHILD REARING 
3:12 For whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights [Compare Heb 12:5-11. How does this apply?]. 

29:15 The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother [Heb. shebet: rod, staff, sceptre (Is 10:5; 28:27; 2Sam 23:21; Ezk 20:37; Mic 5:1; Ps 23:4; Mic 7:14)]. 

13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly [early]. 

19:18 Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction [i.e., watch him head for ruin]. 

22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go. When he is old he won't depart from it [The principles of self-discipline need to be taught early. How?

22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him. [Have the 1990's taught us better?

23:13 Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. 14 You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell [Heb. sheol: the grave; but probably does have allusion to the mythological underworld and hence the associated fears and evils that emanate from the demonic spirits associated with this world (Rev 12:9; 1Jn 5:19; Eph 2:2)]. 

29:17 Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul. 

Do these Scriptures apply to young children: Rom 8:7; Rev 12:9; Jer 17:9-10?  
If they do, how? If they do not apply, why? 

(E) YOUTH'S CONSIDERATIONS AND RELATIONSHIPS
See Ex 20:12; Dt 5:16; Lev 19:3; 20:9. Notice Jesus' words to the Scribes and Pharisees: "God commanded, saying, 'Honour your father and your mother'; and, 'He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.'" (Mt 15:4). 

1:4 [The purpose of the proverbs is] to give prudence to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion. 

2:17 [The immoral woman] forsakes the [faithful] companion of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God. 

4:1 Listen to me, my children, the instruction of a father, and give attention to know understanding [1Jn 2:12-14; Gal 4:19; 1Cor 4:15-16]. 

5:7 Hear me now, my children, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. 

7:7 I saw among the simple, I perceived among the youths, a young man devoid of understanding [See the context: 7:6-23]. 

7:24 Now therefore, listen to me, my children; pay attention to the words of my mouth. 

8:32 Listen to me, my children, for blessed are those who keep my ways. 

9:3 She [Wisdom] has sent out her maidens. She cries out from the highest places of the city. 

14:26 In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, and His children will have a place of refuge. 

17:6 Children's children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father. 

20:7 The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him. 

20:11 Even a child is known by his deeds, whether what he does is pure and right. 

20:29 The glory of young men is their strength, and the splendour of old men is their gray head [God expects young people to thoroughly enjoy their strength and vigour - without breaking His laws]. 

30:17 The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it. 18 These three things are too wonderful for me; yes, there are four which I do not understand: 19 The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent on a rock; the way of a sailing ship on the ocean; and the way of a young man [who is courting/ is exhilarated in being] with a young woman. 

[What are the beautiful elements of friendship between a young man and a young woman as implied here?

31:28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. 

(F) SONS AND DAUGHTERS 
1:8 My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother [Would it not be fair to say that one might easily transpose "son" for "daughter" in these verses?

1:10 My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent [What does it take to resist peer pressure?]. 

3:1 My son, do not forget my law, but let your heart keep my commands; 

3:11 My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor detest His correction. [See (D) Child Rearing

3:12 For whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights. 

3:21 My son, let them not depart from your eyes - keep sound wisdom and discretion. 

4:3 When I was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, 4 he taught me, and said to me: Let your heart retain my words; keep my commands, and live [an excellent life]. 

4:10 Listen to me, my son; accept my teaching, and you'll live a long time. 

5:1 My son, pay attention to my wisdom; give ear to my understanding. 

5:20 For why should you, my son [daughter], be enraptured by an immoral woman [man], and be embraced in the arms of a seductress [seducer]? 

6:20 My son, keep your father's command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. [Notice the constant urging to listen, heed, hear, respond, and do good]. 

10:1 The proverbs of Solomon: A wise son [daughter] makes a glad father, but a foolish son [daughter] is grief to his [her] mother. 

10:5 He who gathers in summer is a wise son; he who sleeps in harvest is a son who causes shame. [What does this mean?

13:1 A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke. 

15:20 A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish man despises his mother. [How does a son/daughter make his/her mother glad - all the time?

17:25 A foolish son brings grief his father, and bitterness to her who bore him. 

19:13 It hurts greatly to be a fool's father. [And no doubt it hurts greatly to have a fool as a father]. 

19:18 Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction [if you don't, you will ruin his life; or, do not let him run to ruin]. 

19:26 He who mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach. 27 [If you] cease listening to instruction, my son, you will stray from the words of knowledge. 

23:15 My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice - indeed, I will! 16 Yes, my innermost being will rejoice when your lips speak of right things. 

23:19 Listen, my son. Be wise. Guide your heart in the Way [Acts 9:2; 19:23]. 

23:22 Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old. 

23:26 My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways. 

24:13 My son, eat honey because it is good, and the honeycomb which is sweet to your taste [Honey may symbolise eating the words of God; Ezk 3:3; Rev 10:9; Ps 119:103]. 

24:21 My son, fear the LORD and the king. Do not associate with those given to change [or, who rebel against them (i.e., God and established authorities; Rom 13:1; 1Pet 2:13-17)]. 

27:11 My son, be wise, and make my [your father's, your mother's] heart glad. 

28:7 Whoever keeps the law is a discerning son, but a companion of gluttons shames his father. 

29:17 Correct your son, and he will give you rest. Yes, he will delight your life. 

31:1 These are the words of King Lemuel - the oracle his mother taught him: 2 What, my son? What, son of my womb? What, son of my vows [should you do]? 8-9 [Answers part of the question]: Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy [Is 61:1-3; Jer 23:28-29; Lk 4:16-19]. 

31:29 Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all. 

(G) FRIEND AND NEIGHBOUR RELATIONSHIPS
3:28 Don't say to your neighbour: Go home, and come back tomorrow. I'll give it to you then - when you have it to give now. 29 Don't plot evil against your neighbour, who lives trustingly close to you. 

6:1 My son, if you have become guarantor for your friend, and if you have shaken hands in pledge for a stranger, 2 and you are ensnared by your own words, trapped by the foolish words of your mouth - 3 So do this, my son, and save yourself, for you have come into the power of your friend: Go and humble yourself. Plead with your friend. 

6:29 The person who goes in to his neighbour's wife and touches her [sexually], shall be punished. 

11:9 The hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbour, but through knowledge the righteous will be delivered. 

11:12 He who is devoid of wisdom despises his neighbour, but a man of understanding holds his peace. 

14:20 The poor man is hated even by his own neighbour; the rich has many friends. 21 He who despises his neighbour sins. He who has mercy on the poor, is blessed [by God]. 

12:26 The righteous shows the Way to a friend, whereas the wicked leads others astray. [This verse uses a verb which occurs only here in the Hebrew. Translators are uncertain about the real meaning. The NKJ has: The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.

16:28 A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends. 29 A violent man entices his neighbour, and leads him in a way that is not good. 

17:9 He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.
17 A friend is a loving companion at all times, and is a brother born to share adversity [with you]. 18 A man devoid of understanding shakes hands in a [careless] pledge, and [foolishly] becomes guarantor for his friend. 

18:17 The first to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbour comes and examines him. 

18:24 There are friends who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. 

19:4 Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend.
6 Many seek the favor of a generous man, and every one is a friend to a man who gives gifts. 7 All a poor man's brothers hate him. How much more do his friends go far from him! He pursues them with pleading words, but it is all in vain. 

21:10 The soul of the wicked desires evil. His neighbour cannot find favour in his eyes. 

22:24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man. 

24:28 Do not be a witness against your neighbour without cause, and do not deceive with your lips. 

25:8 Do not go hastily to court; for what will you do in the end, when your neighbour has put you to shame? 9 Debate your case with your neighbour, and do not disclose the secret to another [1Cor 6:1-8]. 

25:17 Seldom set foot in your neighbour's house, lest he become weary of you and hate you. [Why?

25:18 A man who bears false witness against his neighbour is like a club, a sword, a sharp arrow. 

26:19 [Like a madman] is the man who deceives his neighbour, and says, I was only joking! [Does this seem extreme? The Hebrew for 'mad' is 'halal' and is used in Isa 44:25; Eccles 9:3; Jer 25:15-16; 50:38; 51:7; It is akin to 'helel', Lucifer's name in Is 14:12, meaning 'light-bringer']. 

27:6 Wounds from a friend are in good faith, but the kisses of an enemy are profuse. 

27:9 Fragrant oil gladdens the heart, and friendship's sweetness comforts your life. 

27:10 Do not forsake your own friend or your father's friend, nor go to your brother's house on a calamitous day of yours. Better is a close neighbour [ready to help you] than a brother far away [who is unwilling to help]. 

27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so a [godly]man shapes up his friend. 

29:5 A man who flatters his neighbour spreads a net for his feet. 

(H) LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS 
1:22 How long, you simple ones, will you love simplicity [simple, simplicity: Heb. peti: immature, naive, undiscriminating, deceived] ? Scorners delight in scorning, and fools hate knowledge [Why do some hate folly? (14:8,24,29; 15:21)]. 

3:12 Whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights [Heb 12:5-11]. 

4:6 Do not forsake her [wisdom], and she will preserve you. Love her, and she will keep you. 

5:19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let [your wife's] breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love. [See (B) Husband and Wife]. 

7:18 Come, let us take our fill of love until morning; let us delight ourselves with love [What is the context here?]. 

8:17 I love those who love Me, and those who diligently seek Me will find Me.
21 I will cause those who love Me to inherit wealth, and I will fill their treasuries. [These verses in context, especially taken with vv.22-36, speak of Jesus Christ, who personifies the Wisdom of GOD (1Cor 1:24)]. 

8:36 He who sins against Me wrongs his own soul. All those who hate Me love death. 

9:8 Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you. Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you. [Why would this be true?

10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins. [Under what circumstances does one expose sins (Jas 5:16; Is 58:1; 61:1-3; Jer 23:28-29; Mic 3:8; Prov 28:13; Elihu, Job 32-37; Acts 19:18; Rom 7)?] 

12:1 Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid. 

15:12 A scoffer does not love one who corrects him, nor will he go to the wise. 

17:9 He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends. 

27:5 Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. 

11:22 As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion. [Immodesty is a graphic example of indiscretion]. 

15:9 The way of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD, but He loves him who follows righteousness. 

15:17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a fatted calf with hatred. 

16:13 Righteous lips are the delight of kings, and they love him who speaks what is right. 

17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. 

17:19 He who loves transgression loves strife, and he who exalts his gate seeks destruction. 

18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. 

19:8 He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will find good. 

20:13 Do not love sleep, lest you come to poverty; open your eyes, and you will be satisfied with bread [The Bread of Life?]. 

21:17 He who loves pleasure will be a poor man. He who loves wine and oil won't become rich. 

22:11 He who loves purity of heart and has grace on his lips, the king will be his friend. 

29:3 Whoever loves [God's] wisdom makes his father rejoice. 

CONCLUSION:
After many hours many hours of thought, meditation, and compilation of all this the inevitable result is that this exercise reveals how wondrous are the words of God, how profound and awesome, and how incredibly instructive this has been for me. The more each of us takes the words to heart the more godly are our thoughts, words and deeds. It is an undoubted hope that this document will help give much impetus to further increase our conformity with the words of life (Php 2:16; 1Jn 1:1; Rom 12:1-2; Ps 119:14-16, 97-104).

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