THE PARENTING OF GOD
©  Orest Solyma  July 11, 1998
The Church of God in Williamstown
WEB SITE: http://www.alphalink.com.au/~sanhub/index.htm

INTRODUCTION
Last Sabbath, 4th July, was a special day for my wife and it was special for our elder daughter and me. The three of us were home, the entire day and late into the night, preoccupied with discussing questions and issues raised by my daughter: the nature of free choice, the nature of God, the problem evil, the state of the world and trends, culture, music, morality: and other associated matters. She had stopped with us on her way from the Gold Coast, (where she shares a flat with her sister), to the University of Tasmania in Hobart for a week-long Students and Eco-Sustainability Conference, where she would also give a work-shop on behalf of her employer CRC Tourism based at Griffith University. CRC (Co-operative Research Centre) is involved in tourism and environment management, tourism engineering, business systems, tourism and environment education, research and development, and consulting. We had not seen my daughter since last August, in Hobart, and that was for the funeral of Michael O'May, my wife's sister's husband, who had died in his four-year struggle against bone cancer.

We treasure family life, even with its severe trials. My wife and I had, from last Friday night to Sunday morning, one of the truly great times of our life. I'd like to share with you some gems of practical wisdom that were provoked to pour out.

Parents can appreciate-at least a little-what the Almighty God and the Son of God must feel as they observe their children responding to the sometimes too slow but sure metamorphosis given by God. How aware are we to the experiences of God's parenting, the educative process, that transforming process, the conversion process worked by the revelatory power of God-the Holy Spirit? So often we have heard that a Christian, experiencing the calling of God must be identifying with the experiences of the godly men and women in the Scriptures.

All of us, whether elderly, whether children, whether single, whether with of without children at present, will be given children to love, to nurture, to educate, to care for in every way in the millennial age. The principles of God's parenting have to be faithfully carried out now, understood now, and certainly practised in the future Kingdom of God.

LEARNING TO PARENT
How do we learn to be excellent parents? Well, we prepare ourselves. What is the very best way of preparing ourselves? When my wife and I were courting and had come to the point that we knew we would marry, we discussed when we would have children and we discussed at length how we would raise our children. We also read quite a lot especially the book of Proverbs. I've continued to read to keep up to date with trends and have in my home library over 200 books dealing with all kinds of aspects of family life. Examples are:

But is it not my intent to swamp you with quotations and explanations from such books? They are helpful, certainly, but they are not the best means of learning.

Last year, it was suggested that all parents compile for themselves a comprehensive collection of proverbs dealing with parenting, children, relationships from the Proverbs. By way of encouragement during the 1997 Feast of Tabernacles every family was given a 13-page handout, Family and Human Relationships. It was compiled entirely from Scriptures out of the Proverbs with the added background of years of thought and experience. The fact that there have been virtually no questions is troubling. Is it because Proverbs is regarded as a kind of "boots and all" approach to parent-child relationships? Spanking, rods, chastisements. There should be lots of questions and discussion at least among parents-always from Scripture and scriptural perspective..

If we really believe that we shall be resurrected at Christ's Second Coming and shall be co-heirs and rulers with the Son of God and all the wonderful women and men, characterized in Hebrews 11, then we must be able to teach, to nurture, to parent all those whom God knows will grow in the grace and knowledge of His Son, Jesus Christ.

How do we parent? How must we parent? How does God act as Father to each of us?

EXAMPLES BY JESUS CHRIST: from Matthew and Luke
This first example from the wisdom of God is probably the most difficult to understand, the most difficult to apply, the most common point of failure. The primary reason for that is that we fail in the principle of anticipation, i.e., the principle of vision or foresight. I don't want to start with Matthew, because typically, the most difficult to accept concepts come first in Scripture: the Sermon on the Mount with Matthew 5:1-12 exemplifies this point. So let us begin in Luke.

Psychiatrists might say he was taking his anger and disappointment out on the furniture and people who were always there conniving in the temple doing the money changing. But here is a prophecy that tells us innocent children, and their parents, and the corrupted priesthood, and the elderly would all suffer terribly in the devastation that would come in 70 AD. That's a hard one to take from the Father.

Let's now go to Matthew.

This is the most difficult Law of all! And notice the comparisons. Parents are to see what is happening in the minds of the children and deal with them accordingly-as this law indicates. Do not most of us assume what is going on? Most street theatre we see in the streets, shops, supermarkets between parents and children goes something like this-as I observed in a bank last Friday:
A mum is in queue and her son is running about as if he's got worms wearing spiky track shoes. He swings on the queue rails. "Ronny stop that!" He goes to some advertisement panels and starts to jiggle them as if he's trying to remove them one by one from the wall. "Ronny, don't do that! Come here!" He doesn't come. He goes to the counter and starts jumping and jumping until he's up there with his head beyond the grill. "Ronny, don't do that!" He starts poking faces at a lad and shows signs of pushing him. Mum says: "Ronny, come here!" He didn't come. Ronny just kept on doing whatever he liked. Mum kept telling him what to do and what not to do. Ronny never once in these situations replied to her. Ronny just kept doing what his undisciplined nature told him to do. Then at the Post Office a little fellow brought in his tricycle. "Don't ride your bike in here!" Then he starts picking at a display of biros on the counter. "Don't touch them." Then he goes to wheel his bike along, "Don't ride your bike in here," Mum says. He hasn't ridden his bike as yet. Then it's back to the counter for the biros. "Don't touch those!"
And it goes on monotonously. Children don't change because parents haven't changed. Why don't parents anticipate what the children are likely to do and deal with it ahead of time? Why don't parents foresee what each child will do at the supermarket or visiting friends and take appropriate action before they get there? Why do parents seem to be afraid to teach their children? What do we want our children to do to us? Do we teach them accordingly?

Truth causes trouble. Compromise is easier. Truth requires thought and creativity. Laxness and laissez faire approaches take little serious thought. Discipline, as the Bible teaches, might crush the child's natural curiosity? Do we notice how unmotivated and intellectually crushed the most disciplined Christians are? Esther, Daniel, Ezekiel, Paul. What dull people they were?

They had too many rules to live by and so their individuality was crushed, wasn't it?

Let's continue in Matthew.

How strange that when the Spirit of God really works in people there is so often hatred that ensues. It's a hatred that might display itself in wanting to retaliate murderously against those one would normally love. For the carnal mind is hateful against God and the laws of God (Rom 8:7; Jer 17:9). Does that apply to children? The cross killed Jesus Christ. Likewise the burdens of living by every word of God might bring disaster as Heb 11 makes clear. So the cross of godly parenting, as with Christ and the first two children of God, Adam and Eve, failed to respond to the best teaching. The first son of God to succeed spiritually was murdered within the family: Cain murdered Abel. Both professed to worship the same God. The spiritual principle here is like the promise to the father of the faithful and the friend of God, Abraham, in Gen 12:3: I will bless those who bless you, and curse him who curses you.

Next we look at doing things within the family culture according to the same rules for all. This is expressed in a parable:

We should image youngsters playing in the streets where and when it is safe. Imagine girls of 9 to 11 years playing skipping games, which I don't see girls doing anymore. Playing healthy games with neighbourly peers is not as good as walking the streets with nothing to do. And are too many indoors doing make-up and making out with someone on the phone? But imagine young folk playing games but some won't play according to the rules. What is the result? Breakdown of attitudes, breakdown of relationships, breakdown of healthy diversions, This parable tells us that the older immature, who believe they are more mature, are less mature than those younger and whose attitudes are malleable to hearing and doing what is good. Why does this happen? Who is failing to teach the children of God?
Pride and false self-confidence, the confidence that refuses to listen, that rejects discussion of the facts, is the enemy of godly maturation (Mt 13:9). Let's notice this example of children learning. A godly principle revealed here is addressed in Jn 10. Those who hear the voice of the Shepherd come easily, come without hesitation, come fearlessly. This is parallel to a good child's response to the call of good parents. The child hears then responds easily, without excuses, without fear-because the child is fully aware it is loved in a consistently godly way.

Let's look at another amazing principle in Matthew's Gospel.

Can we imagine children who have recently started to speak in sentences being excited about the truth that comes from the Father? Are the children of God, in the religious environment they are presently in, exuberant about the Truth taught by the Father who speaks to them by His Spirit? How strange that we observe the breakdown of family relationships and the awful consequent effects on children, and at the same time, we observe the breakdown of churches and the awful effects on the children of God. It's not strange really. The causes are self-evident, but those who should make the Voice of God clear are deaf and blind (see Ps 14:2-7; 74:9-11; Is 56:10-11; 59:9-16; Ezk 7:6; Zech 10:2-3). The amazing thing is that the people who were the cause of the spiritual desolation deny they are the despoilers (Mt 23:16,18,24,26,31-34). Has anything really changed?

PRINCIPLES FROM JOHN
The apostle John also has profound things to say on this subject.

Those who are not of God do not have a sense of family belonging because they are alienated from the Father and do not experience the love of the Father. Those who have a sense of Name, are rightly proud to carry the Family Name, are responsible and give honour and love to the Name. The same principle applies in families. Children do you love your family name? In Jn 11:42, during Christ's brief prayer to His Father at the grave of Lazarus, he says: "I know that You always hear Me! Why is the Son of God so confident that His Father hears Him? What causes a father to give his full attention to his children? And what gives children the assured confidence that what they ask for will be given? It is total assurance and mutual trust in love given consistently. We should notice that these Sabbath-observant religious leaders, spiritual fathers to the nation (Mal 4:6), were meeting behind closed doors to plot murder and the supposed protection of their egos and pockets. They recognized that Jesus was sent by God but refused to admit it to themselves because that would mean their behaviour would have to include repentance. Our children need to see that our parental behaviour and our spousal behaviour has repentance as a key characteristic (Mt 18:15). At His last meeting with the apostles before He was crucified Jesus gave a basic principle of family life. How does one recognize the members of a godly family? By the love clearly seen among them?

Examples of teaching children to love and share
As early as possible children should feel comfortable in hugging and kissing all members of the family. They begin to learn this from seeing many examples of mum and dad kissing and hugging one another and all other members of the family. Tots can be held, since they can't yet stand, and shown how to hug cheek to cheek. Older children, boys included, should readily hug and kiss brothers and sisters. At the end of five apostolic letters we learn that Church culture included warm greetings with the kiss of godly friendship: Rom 16:16; 1Cor 16:20; 2Cor 13:12; 1Thess 5:26; 1Pet 5:14. Certainly, dads should be conspicuous in such warmth and tenderness.

Of course this cannot happen genuinely unless their is much respect for one another, much sharing, much helping one another, much enjoyment together.

Simple things are helpful in establishing these elements within the family:
When ice-creams are made or bought different flavours are encouraged among the different family members. My wife and I used to do this when our daughters were very young. We would share bites from each other's ice-cream. The girls had to share toys from before they could sit. They helped put each other's toys away.

I recall one time that our younger daughter had a really 'big' session of playing on a winter's day. Her room was a complete shambles. When she had finished playing she left the toys where they were. I asked her to tidy up. She came back after a while obviously not very pleased. "Have you finished putting your toys away?" No, she hadn't. So I asked her again to tidy up. After a while she came back still looking unhappy. " Have you finished tidying up your room?" No, she hadn't and then she burst into tears. "What's the matter?" "I don't know how to do it, Dad. It's too much. I can't do it." So I took her gently by her the hand and we went into her room. It was still a shambles. I looked at her and it was obvious she was quite perplexed. So I said, "Let's get all the boxes for the toys into the biggest space available in the room." We had to make some space. "Let's start in this corner. We'll pick up as many toys at a time as we can and put them into their proper boxes. We did this together cleaning up one part of the room at a time. I made sure I was letting her do more than me. Then we pushed the boxes along the floor to where they would normally be. We surveyed the scene of order and cleanliness. "It wasn't hard was it? And it looks nice now." She smiled because the job was finished. She had done a lot of it. She had learnt how to think things through. She had experienced some new success. Love and simple teaching work wonders.

Now our daughters live together interstate, are protective of one another, share clothes, help one another financially, often go out together and very obviously are seen as sisters who love one another very much. They have a lovely friendship.

PRINCIPLES FROM ACTS
We should not now be surprised that the NT is full of such principles governing godly family life that reflects the nature of God's parenting of each of us. We should treat one another as we experience God's treatment of us.

From that day of Pentecost in 30 AD, God makes it clear to us that His concern is for us and our children. What God offers us He wants our children to receive. Yes, it took Jacob a long time to understand that what his grandfather, Abraham, and his father, Isaac, had received was offered to him also. It wasn't till he was married with children that he was finally truly converted (Gen 32:22-30; Hos 12:4-6). While our elder daughter was visiting us last weekend, she wanted me to hear some music I'd never heard before. It was complex musically, philosophical, lyrical in parts, and was in effect a musical expression of the state of the world and perhaps how it got to that state. We had lots of discussion. Then I commented: " Why did it take you so long to learn that rock `n roll is largely rubbish and preoccupied with sex?" "I was rebellious, Dad." They were, ironically, sweet words. Good teaching is not necessarily accepted. The pain of life sometimes helps. Life is difficult. Denial makes it easier. Stephen's discourse on the history of Israel to the Sanhedrin Council is most profound. Though Moses behaved as a type of the Saviour, the deliverer of Israel, he was not appreciated until the situation was so bad for them that they cried out in desperation (Ex 2:23; 3:9). Then he was sent as a father to the children of Israel. A father is totally zealous for the well-being of his family.

God loves people who are inherently inclined to serve people for good. Esther is a superb example. Deborah is also. Let's look at God's view of the man who would be the apostle Paul.

Paul felt like a father to the people of God (1Thess 2:11; 1Cor 4:15). Ministers in their relationships with the children of God are to treat them as God does. How would the Church be if this was more extant? On route by ship from Tyre to Caesarea then Jerusalem let's note what happened in Tyre. Can we imagine the love, the devotion, the fearlessness, the godly culture that inspired such respect from men, women, and children. This is a real Church family. Why does it not happen today with the same kind of sincerity, truth, and unengineered passion? What must the children of God do for such affections to flow out?

THE EPISTLES OF PAUL
Though we have no solid evidence that Paul was married, we shall be amazed that he expresses so much about family life.

The children of God face the highest hopes, the greatest rewards, the most wonderful visions that anyone could possibly hope for. In every Christian family the children must have solid foundations that they are loved in such a way that they are being prepared for the highest achievements humanly possible for them. Both my daughters know full well, as do other young women, that what God wants of them, and what I work for and teach, is that they should become mighty as women of God. They should be driven by a passion that they will strive to be wonderful women-and no matter what else they do-they should seek to be noble women. The very same principle applies to young men and boys. Strive to become men with the characteristics of Abraham, David, Jeremiah, Daniel, Paul and such like. How could you do better than that? Be a man. A man must understand himself and must answer for himself (Job 38:3; 40:7). The men of God can answer for themselves and are unafraid of any questions.

Such high aims require the highest forms of godly discipline. If you've watched any of the World Cup games you could not fail to be impressed with the amazing skills-the hard discipline, painful skills development, the rigour of emotional maturity-that some revealed so well. The French and Paraguayan goal-keepers were extraordinary in the technical skills they exhibited and the amazing devotion to their team mates. They were inspiring. These things do not happen without some heavy correction. We know Paul's love cannot be doubted, but:

Love, within the family, must include this. For those God loves he chastens (Heb 12:5-7). 1Cor 7 deals with some complex marital issues. But it also mentions this: God says that with one parent a member of the Body of Christ the entire family is blessed. The principle in this is the same as we find where Abraham pleaded for the salvation of Sodom. He was told that if there were ten righteous people the entire city would be spared (Gen 18:32). But that was not the case. There was only some of his family and his wife was lost when they fled. The more we spend time with uncommitted people the more unable we are in expressing genuine affection. The more we seek fleeting associations the less chance there is of really loving those that should be loved. It is interesting to note in this age of alienation and disorientation that justification is given for being constantly on the move 'encouraging scattered others in the Body of Christ.'

It is true there are many of the sheep of God who are scattered, but are not the sheep to seek, to find, to hunger, to thirst, to listen, to hear? Are not we told to develop love? How is love developed? It takes time, effort, getting to know, to understand, and seeking mutuality of meeting. It takes willingness to discuss together, to be fearless in discussion. Where things are not discussed well in a family they will not be discussed when the chips are really down.

Love is Passionate
2Cor 12:14-21 Now for the third time I am ready to come to you. And I will not be burdensome to you; for I do not seek [what is] yours, but you. For the children (tekna) ought not to lay up for the parents (Paul, as a father, wants to give them all that is needed so that they might receive the promised inheritance of God), but the parents for the children. 15 And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved. 16 But be that as it may, I did not burden you. Nevertheless, being crafty, I caught you by cunning (Paul says that he used all the cunning he could muster to entice them into righteousness)! 17 Did I take advantage of you by any of those whom I sent to you? 18 I urged Titus, and sent our brother [Timothy] with him. Did Titus take advantage of you? Did we not walk in the same spirit? (Paul, Timothy, Titus worked and loved on the same principles). Did we not walk in the same steps? 19 Again, do you think that we excuse ourselves to you? We speak before God in Christ. But we do all things, beloved, for your edification. 20 For I fear lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I wish, and that I shall be found by you such as you do not wish; lest there be contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, backbitings, whisperings, conceits, tumults; 21 lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and I shall mourn for many who have sinned before and have not repented of the uncleanness, fornication, and lewdness which they have practiced.

Paul is consistent in his love for the churches, the groupings of the family of God. And he is also passionate in dealing with error.

Paul's expressions of the kind of parenting he was experiencing in his life is fully transferred to his love for the people of God. This is a personal responsibility. We have to work out our own salvation (Phil 2:12).

This wonderful apostle shows us the heights of love for the people of God.

Do our children realize that they will have children? All you young people will want your children to do what you believe they should do. You will teach your children all that you believe is right and good. You will want your experience and accumulated wisdom to be accepted by your children. You will not find the rebellion of your children pleasant. In fact all of us who will be in the Kingdom of God at the Second Coming will be given people-children God will want in His Kingdom-to love, nurture, teach, comfort, discipline, reward. Paul's awareness of God's fatherhood over him continues to be reflected in all his writings. Philippians is probably the most effusive letter of love and affection we have from Paul. Yet he continues with similar thoughts expressed in the previous three letters. Eusebeia is 'the highest kind of devotion to God' (Turner, p 111). The word can be translated as true religion (1Tim 3:16), or godliness (1Tim 6:3).

Paul's delight is expressed towards Timothy:

What was the family culture for such to be true? 2Tim 1:5 tells us that both his mother and grandmother were profoundly wonderful influences on Timothy. Their influence helped make him a man and not a wimp.

Hebrews, also has things to say on God's parenting.

Notice what Is 8:16, just before the last two citations, says: "Bind up the testimony, seal the law among my disciples." The testimony of Jesus Christ is the spirit of prophecy (Rev 19:10). This has to do with vision, foresight, capacities to think, say, and do godly things whose outcomes are seen ahead of time

PETER'S EPISTLES
Again we have to note that the apostolic teaching included the revelation of the relationship of the Father with His children.

It cannot be surprising that all the writers of the NT believe and practice the same principles.

JOHN'S EPISTLES
1Jn 2:1a My little children (teknia), these things I write to you, so that you may not sin (as every godly parent and every godly minister would likewise say and do).
1Jn 2:28-3:3 And now, little children (teknia), abide in Him, that when He appears, we may have confidence and not be ashamed before Him at His coming. 29 If you know that He is righteous, you know that everyone who practices righteousness is born of Him. 3:1 Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children (tekna) of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him (Considering the range of mighty miracles and the perfectness of Jesus' words and deeds why did so few respond? The mind is deceitful and desperately evil (Jer 17:9). 2 Beloved, now we are children of God (and should be realistically assured of the working of the Holy Spirit [Gal 5:19-25]); and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be (because it is so high to apprehend), but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. 3 And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.

Surely there is awareness that one is being purified. Purification means that sin is constantly exposed and keeps being removed. Then the heat is increased to expel more resistant sins. This continues until one can say: I have fought a good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the Faith. And there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which Jesus Christ will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all those who love God (2Tim 4:7-8).

Children should always freely greet one another, greet their parents, greet others in the Body of Jesus Christ, and be always ready to give the smile and greeting that can come from a child. Indeed, there is no greater joy in a father and mother than seeing that their children succeed in all that is good. God defines what is good and what is evil.

CONCLUSION
In is to be expected that the last book of the Bible should conclude with collective addressing of all those who have allowed the Father to be their supreme parent. These people have grown from babes in Jesus Christ, have responded to the love, nurture, admonitions and discipline of the perfect Father and their Mother (the whole Body of believers totally devoted to the true God).

They are all the ones, from the OT and NT dispensations, who have zealously and truthfully followed the Lamb wherever He goes (Rev 14:4).

These principles apply beyond the millennial age.

The children of God have to grow and mature in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. The children of God must come to the perfection that is exemplified in the life of the totally gracious, self-sacrificing, beloved Son of God.

All of us, and it is my fervent hope and desire, want our children to accomplish to the highest possible. All the children, it is my fervent hope and desire, want to accomplish to the highest possible. I hope for, I work for, I strive for the promises that the Almighty Father so graciously offers to the children of God and to their children. May the grace, wisdom, power, love and sound mindedness of the Spirit of God be with all who have the same heart and desire that are the gifts of the Almighty Father.

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